


I love you, but I hate you

by MangaBitch



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adorable, Affection, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, America being America (Hetalia), America/England Fluff (Hetalia), Anxiety, Arguing, Awkward Crush, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Biphobia, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexuality, Biting, Body Worship, Bonding, Bottom America (Hetalia), Bottom Russia (Hetalia), Brother-Sister Relationships, Brotherly Affection, Bullying, Canon Genderbending, Childhood Friends, Childishness, Comfort, Confusion, Cooking, Cosplay, Crushes, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cute, Denial of Feelings, Drama & Romance, Dreams, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Established Relationship, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Exes, F/F, Falling In Love, Fangirls, Fear, Female Friendship, Female Homosexuality, Flashbacks, Flirting, Flowers, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Frustration, Gay, Gay Panic, Gay Sex, Genderbending, Gentle Sex, Gentleness, Height Differences, Heroes & Heroines, Hobbies, Hugs, Human Nations | Countries (Hetalia), Imagination, Innocence, Insecurity, Intimacy, Intimidation, Jealousy, Kinks, Lesbian Character, Light Sadism, Little Brothers, Loneliness, Love, Love Confessions, Loyalty, Marks, Maternal Instinct, Minor China/Russia (Hetalia), Modern Era, Nervousness, Nyotalia, Nyotalia America (Hetalia), Oblivious, Opposites Attract, Overthinking, Passion, Past, Platonic America/England (Hetalia), Platonic Female/Female Relationships, Police, Popularity, Possessive Behavior, Praise Kink, Protective Russia (Hetalia), Protectiveness, Public Display of Affection, Quiet, Relationship Advice, Rivalry, Romance, Romantic Gestures, Rule 63, Rumors, RusAme, Russia has Issues (Hetalia), Scents & Smells, Self Confidence, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexuality, Sharing Clothes, Shyness, Sibling Love, Siblings, Sister Complex, Sisters, Social Anxiety, Sports, Strength, Strong Female Characters, Stuffed Toys, Teasing, Teenagers, Top America (Hetalia), Top Russia (Hetalia), Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Worry, Yandere, Yuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2019-12-26 23:05:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18292034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MangaBitch/pseuds/MangaBitch
Summary: Amelia Jones and Anya Braginskaya are students in college living as roommates. When they are not playing rivals they are denying/sharing a strong sexual tension between the two of them. But will they ever admit their feelings for each other, despite how clear it is to those around them?





	1. Sparks

**Author's Note:**

> I've only recently boarded this ship but I love it. Please forgive me if it's a little rough I try my best. Please enjoy :)

Amelia yawned wearily, padding across the apartment hallway to the kitchen. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, trying to adapt to the bright and shiny world around her, she never had been a morning person. She really needed to stop playing video games so late at night when she had class. Her blonde waves were frizzier than usual, drool still dripping from her mouth a little. Her eyes blank and calm, sleep still lingering in her system. The urge to return to the warmth of her blanket fort was a great temptation.

She always knew in order to achieve her goals the road would never be easy, she would face all sorts of trials. Emotional, psychological and physical, pushing her limits and testing her self worth. But she had been chasing this dream since she was a little girl, and she would see it through to the end no matter what. Though she had to admit, the weird time schedule really didn't help, sometimes they were hella early, sometimes they were really late at night and sometimes they took place in the afternoon. This was one of the early days.

Her favourite superwoman pyjama hung loosely off one shoulder, flashing her collar bones. Her star covered matching shorts revealed her long creamy legs, her curvaceous yet slender figure on show. She needed coffee, badly. The trek to make a fresh brew every morning was so hard, especially when she hated to leave the warmth of her bed. Why did all of her classes have to start so damn early, the term bright eyed and bushy tailed was not a mantra that she could get on board with. She would never understand these perky morning birds who were so chirpy when it was still dark out. She had always wanted to be a police officer, to become a heroine of the people, fight crime and do what was right. But she hated the fact that in order to do so, she had to put sleep on the line. How was she supposed to function without sleep at all?

"Dobroye utro Amelia" a playfully sweet voice replied. She had appeared to finally be awake, she didn't know how her roommate could spend all her time sleeping. Did she have no desire to achieve her goals? Honestly, she really was a very lazy individual. She herself was more of an early bird, preferring to go to bed at a reasonable hour so she woke up at a decent time. Leaving her in a better mood than Amelia on a morning.

Amelia winced, a feeling of frustration, confusion and annoyance filling her body all at once. She sometimes regretted making Anya her roommate, but for more than one reason nowadays. Back in their years at high school, she and the Russian female had been rivals in every sense of the word. Who was better at sports, who had better grades (usually Anya), who was the prettiest etc. Stupid stuff like that. However, in recent years she had found herself crushing on her roommate/ on and off rival. Though she adamantly denied to anyone else that he feeling such emotions was out of the question. Her long silky ivory blonde hair, her piercing violet eyes, her slender yet curvaceous figure, her large shapely breasts. Her luminous pale skin that was always so perfect, Amelia questioned if she was even human. Anya was perfect, like a doll. But if not for her warped personality she would like her even more.

Amelia frowned, just when she thought her morning was going to a good start. However, Alice had always taught her, sometimes being sarcastic or painfully nice would scare people off. However, that was often hard to do "Morning" she mumbled sleepily. She couldn't remember the last time they went food shopping or whose turn it even was, so what she could have for breakfast was a complete mystery. Sometimes she just threw things together and called it food. She could cook, it depended on how motivated she was to go to all that trouble.

Anya was sat at the breakfast table, her usual sweet but terrifying smile on her face. A cup of steaming coffee in her hand adorned in a white sleeveless spaghetti strap nightgown. The nightgown was made of silk and reached her lower thigh, plain with no decoration. Even on a morning, she looked immaculate, no dark circles, no look of exhaustion, no messy bed hair, no bad mood. She was all chirpy and good spirited, in fact, how happy she was worried Amelia just a little.

Anya tilted her head curiously, the smile not wavering "You want coffee? It's fresh brewed" she asked in a cheery tone. Until she came to live with Amelia she had been a religious tea drinker, but after a while, she had come to love both beverages. She loved the soothing taste of tea that helped calm her when she was stressed, but she also loved coffee to give her a fast boost and all the styles it came in. The bitter taste of coffee and the fragrance of tea.

Amelia shifted, she was always a little sceptical of Anya due to the fact she played pranks so easily. However, instead of being funny they were often scary or traumatic. But she was in need of coffee to help get her ready for the day ahead, and it would be rude to say no. "Sure…" she trailed off. However, her gaze did not once avert from the russian female, making sure she didn't try anything funny with her coffee. I mean the tamest she would do was put salt in it, but sometimes she put frogs or bugs in her coffee.

Anya got to her feet, bouncing on the balls of her feet and humming a tune to herself. Today she felt very motivated, it was a lovely morning and she had her classes today. She hoped to see her friends and get closer to achieving her dreams. While Amelia wanted to become a police officer to follow her dream of being a heroine. Being able to save lives and protect the innocent from crime, much like the people she read about in comic books. She wondered if the blonde ever really took it seriously, given she tended to sleep in and sometimes doze off in the written part of her classes. Anya, on the other hand, wanted to become a doctor to help the sick. Being able to save lives too but in a different way, from disease and injury. Being able to change and preserve lives with medicine. However, her idols were mostly historical rather than fictional like her roommates were.

She poured a fresh cup of coffee into a mug for Amelia, to which the latter was now sat at the table in silence. Peering at Anya in confusion and hesitance, as it was not normal for Anya to be this nice. Unless they had a common goal or enemy that is. "You're awfully chipper this morning, did a person you hate suffer something traumatic?" Amelia asked suspiciously, her tone somewhat mocking. Anya was known for her childish cruelty and sometimes sadistic streak. This often came into play with people she didn't like or who wronged her. As a hero, Amelia made it her goal to try and prevent any of these antics from coming to pass.

Anya turned to face Amelia, a look of confusion on her face. A glint of hurt in her eyes as she heard these words being spoken. She was used to people being cruel to her, assuming her to be nothing more than a sadistic beauty, when in fact she was anything but. Yes, she liked to tease, play pranks on people and scare them sometimes. But she never wanted to hurt them, she never had that intention. She just wanted to fit in, she wanted to have friends. Amelia said cruel things to others sometimes and they laughed, when she did it however, it only further isolated her.

However, as to not give Amelia that satisfaction she simply sighed and forced one of her usual smiles on her face. Why did her roommate always have to think the worst of her? Like she had no soul and simply enjoyed to see other people suffering? Yet people never seemed to remember how badly they had once treated her too "Nyet, it is simply a beautiful day sunflower" she replied in a mocking tone. Knowing how much that name wound up Amelia. Because she felt like she was being made fun of.

Amelia shivered, she hated that name. She knew that Russia used it as a term of affection but to her, it just felt creepy. Like Anya was talking to her like a pet or something, it made her skin crawl. She decided trying to push Anya any further today would only make matters worse. She took the coffee from her roommate and started to down it, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible.

* * *

Amelia sped down the hallway to her class, trying to repress and vent any memories of her morning with Anya. Yet again she had been left with complicated emotions that only left her conflicted on their relationship as roommates and semi-rivals. Why did her roommate have to be so cute and yet so manipulative? She knew how to make people so what she wanted all while wearing a smile. But at the same time, had a sense of childish innocence that scared and confused the hell out of her. She would never admit the number of times she had thought about kissing Anya. That was a secret she would happily live with for the rest of her student years, maybe life. The thought of telling the Russian that she liked her, Anya would laugh and mock her for years to come.

Yes, Anya had a semi-warped personality that she really did hate. Pretty much the epitome of a love hate rivalry relationship which only made matters more complicated. However, a lot of times she had noticed that Anya was unaware of her cruel nature. Times when she simply wanted to join in her intimidating aura scared people off. When she tried to do something nice people believed she either had hidden motives or it was a prank. Honestly, it was hard to explain how she felt about Anya. She didn't completely trust her at times, but she couldn't bring herself to treat her badly.

Her strong love of children, as shown by how well she got along with her brothers said a lot. She was a medical student and that career could possibly lead to being a child doctor if she so chose to be. Her career had a million different paths in which her life could lead. But her jealousy and possessiveness of what she believed to be hers could be a little off-putting. It could range from objects to people to just about anything. Her childish cruelty often coming into play yet again. But she was naive to how these actions could be seen as bad, she just didn't like to share what she believed belonged to her. A heavy groan escaped her lips, she really knew how to pick them didn't she? She had always had a weakness for cute girls and charming boys. She had never thought she could come to develop a crush on a girl whom back in high school she hated more than vegetables.

"Ohayo Amelia-san" a familiar friendly voice called. She seemed to be in a bigger hurry this morning than usual, however, she had not slept in today as it was still early. But that was unusual for her given her nature as a night owl. Perhaps her roommate was having a good effect on her. Starting to become more organized and motivated with her schedule.

Amelia turned and softened, her good friend Sakura Honda approached from behind. She was a mutual friend via her adopted sister Alice whom she shared many hobbies with. Why couldn't Anya be as nice as her? She should really take some lessons. "Morning Sakura" she mumbled. It was nice to see a familiar face after this morning. She could still feel her skin crawling from that smile on her face. It was so sweet yet it carried the appearance that she was hiding something, up to no good.

Sakura blinked, Amelia was not in high spirits as she usually would be on a morning. Her enthusiastic energy and the positive mood were not as obvious which was a little confusing. She had gotten used to the hyperactive joy the American carried, but today it seemed a little less than usual. "Is something wrong Amelia-san?" she asked in a worried tone. As her friend, she would do her best to comfort her worries and bring her relief to whatever problems she had.

Amelia shifted, very few people knew of her intense crush on Anya. The only people to know so far was her sister Maddie, her adopted older sister Alice and Marie. But then she had grown up with them so they knew her all too well for her to keep secrets. Her face dusted light pink, she hated how easily Anya had crawled under her skin and affected her so easily. It was like she had cast a spell on her to make her feel this way, taking away any rational sense she had. But Sakura was a good friend, she would never tell anyone's secrets unless in their best interest. She had good morals and was a trustworthy person, she had respect for the wishes of other people. A good person through and through.

* * *

"So, Amelia-san. You carry romantic interest in Anya-san but are too afraid to confess your affections for her. Is that right?" Sakura replied casually. She had known of their attraction for some time, many people did. It was very obvious to sense the tension between the two of them. However, not many people interfered as Amelia hated to be teased and nobody wanted to get on the wrong side of Anya. Though a scary person, Anya had her good merits too. She was very well read and intelligent, she loved flowers and was very good with children. Though she was naïve and big-hearted, it was best to be cautious around her. In other words, she was like a child in a grown woman's body.

Amelia shifted, her face reddening. How she had fallen this far she had no idea, of all the people she could have fallen for it was her ex-high school rival. That sounded as pathetic as she felt. But she knew Japan would never tell a soul. It often scared her how mature Sakura was, carrying the intellect of someone beyond her years. No wonder so many people went to her for help and admired her so deeply. She was very reliable and seemingly always had an answer to whatever problem came her way, always remaining optimistic.

Sakura sighed, being a senior student and older than Amelia she knew a little bit more about relationships than her friend did. Love was indeed complicated, given the complex machine that was the human heart and brain. But, sometimes you had to take a risk when it came to love, because for some it made things more exciting to enter unknown territory. "I do understand your cautiousness. But wouldn't telling her, be better than affecting your mental health by repressing your emotions?" she suggested wearily. Her constant repression of her love and denial of her feelings would only make her feel worse.

"Yeah, that sounds like a foolproof plan. Go up to Anya with flowers, give some bold gesture. Hey Anya, I think you're a looker. Wanna hook up?" Amelia mocked in frustration. Anya would either think it was a joke and hate her. Or she would laugh at her, stamp on her still beating heart and reject her coldly, forever using it against her as a weapon. Then tell everyone she knew at how pathetic Amelia was for thinking she was good enough to even attempt to date her. She really knew how to pick them, didn't she? God, why could she never simply fall for the normal girls, always the unusual, scary or bad ones?

Anya was so complicated as a person telling her how she felt could only end badly. So silent pining, interior mental breakdowns and frustration seemed like such a better option. I mean people dealt with crushes for years, didn't they? She could totally live with this. She just had to deal with her emotions by eating ice cream, going on long runs, listening to angsty music and pining for her crushes affection and praying she paid attention to her or noticed her feelings.

Sakura laughed lightly, a look of discomfort on her face. Her dating approach somewhat differed from Amelia so she couldn't really comment. But she could give advice to a friend in need as best she could. "I think coffee sounds best, don't you agree?". Amelia loved coffee, it was one of her favourite beverages. Why not simply go with a more casual setting that would allow them to both relax and make conversation. It made matters less complicated and put less pressure on Amelia to make an impression on her crush.

Amelia hummed, she did love coffee and Anya liked fancy places. She knew a few good places and could at least make a move by paying for both of them. She may have been a student but she could at least afford coffee. They could get to know each other on a romantic basis there, being able to loosen up and feel comfortable with herself. "I guess" she mumbled, Anya was a very hard girl to please. If you overdid it, she thought you were trying to show her up, if you didn't put in enough effort you thought less of her.

Sakura couldn't help but smile, it was not often you saw the always confident and full of positivity Amelia acting so awkward and shy. She was a very attractive girl, given how popular she was with classmates. Seeing her so anxious was a rare thing to see. "Many of our classmates call you cute yes? I'm surprised you are putting yourself in such low spirits" she teased. Amelia had a very lean and slender figure, given her love of sports made up for the junk food she liked to eat. Many classmates wished for the figure that she carried. She was wearing a white O neck short-sleeved T-shirt, blue skinny jeans and red and white converse, along with her favourite bomber jacket. She already appeared down to earth and approachable. Her figure complimented by her choice in clothes. Dressing like herself and showing her openness as a human being.

Amelia scoffed, yes she was aware of how popular she was with other classmates. Though sadly some of them only wanted her for one thing, her body. "Yeah, but she's called the sadist angel for a reason y'know" she reminded her friend. She was infamous for the girls who had asked her out which either ended in rejection or a heartbreak after a short romance. Never being able to forget about the relationship they had with her, but depending on the girl it was either a positive or negative experience.

Sakura couldn't compare her love life to Amelia's, given she was in a happy romance with her best friends adopted sister. Alice treated her well, they respected each other and were very happy. What made her more grateful was the fact that her best friend helped them get together. Before their courtship which led to their happy relationship, they had been close friends with a lot of mutual interests. "Amelia-san, I cannot compare my love life to your own. But sometimes one must take a leap of faith, simply hoping that things fall into place".

Amelia sighed, she knew that Sakura was right but then again she was rarely if ever wrong. She was already one of the smartest girls in their college, it didn't take a genius to figure that out. But her intellect was not simply down to book smarts, she was knowledgeable in life as well. She had never once gotten bad advice from her on anything "Thanks, Sakura" she replied gratefully. She really did know how to ease her worries and bring back her confidence when she needed it most.

Sakura smiled, glad to see Amelia had regained her confidence again "The pleasure is mine Amelia-san. That is what friends are for isn't it?" she reminded the blonde. Though Amelia did tend to wear her out, cause problems and often scared her with her lack of self-awareness at times. She had a good heart and it showed in her actions. She was simply a lonely girl who sought the love of the girl she was carrying affections for.

Amelia got to her feet, she still had some time before class and she would just make it. But talking to her friend and venting these feelings out, it made her feel much better. Her mind now cleared and ready to take on the day without fear. She waved quickly to Sakura before hurrying off down the hall, Sakura was right. She couldn't look back and she had to take this chance.

* * *

Russia sat in silence under a tree, a book in her hand as she absentmindedly flipped the pages of a book as the flowers danced in the wind. She loved her moment of peace like this, being able to simply distance her mind from the world around her. She never had to worry about peace and quiet when she was alone. Most people were too scared to speak to her anyway, so she never had to worry about unwanted attention. As well as her love of flowers, she also carried a long term interest in fairy tales spanning from her childhood. Stories of dragons, princesses and happy endings, given her lack of joy in her real life. She could be anyone she wanted, imagining these characters as if they were her friend. She could simply sit here, people watching while her mind remained locked in the pages of a book. Watching the world go by, in her own company and listening to people go about their day.

Sometimes people found it worrying or scary how she related to the antihero or villain in a story. But in truth, it was because she understood their isolation, loneliness and backstories that caused them to become who they were. Hurt by the world around them that caused them to become bitter. She had spent a lot of her childhood being bullied or protected by her older brothers. Being treated like a delicate flower which later caused her to have outbursts and threaten people. Due to the fact the memories of the pain she held as a child came out and she lost control. She hated being called a monster, she hated being called a bully and she hated being feared. She was not a bad person, she never wanted to hurt anyone. All she wanted was to be loved, to have friends.

She had few friends who truly understood her, she dreamed of love but could never make someone stay with her. But her social anxiety and sometimes childish cruelty made it hard for her to ever connect with another person fully. Mainly due to a lot of misunderstandings, never truly able to explain her actions or true intentions, people always thinking the worst of her. She sometimes hated how popular her roommate was because it felt like she was mocking her. How loved and accepted she was by everyone despite how obnoxious she could be. Yet she tried to fit in and was usually just quiet, to which people tended to avoid her altogether.

"Goodness, out here all alone again. Did you and Amelia have a fight again?" a familiar English voice scolded. Just when she thought these two had finally buried the hatchet and decided to get along. It seemed after all these years later they hadn't learned a thing, they needed to put these petty arguments behind them and start to act more maturely. If they had problems, they needed to speak it out like adults and overcome this and see how they could change matters.

Anya blinked and looked up silently, standing nearby was Alice Kirkland. The adopted older sister of her roommate. At times she wondered how Alice had tolerated her growing up, given the pain in the ass she could be. "Hello Alice" she replied in a friendly manner. Among the many people who were not scared of her, Alice Kirkland was one of the few. Though wary around her, she carried no air of hostility and never once made fun or isolated herself from her. Much like her ex-girlfriend Yue, she saw her for who she truly was on the inside.

Alice approached, carrying a book under her arm. She had been researching magic and charms in the library, though it was hard to find something new given how many she had read so far. She, like Anya, was bullied for a great number of reasons. However, she at least had a few people who looked out for her and truly loved her. Something Anya was a little jealous of. "I know Amelia is not the easiest person to live with. But distancing yourself will not help the bond between you grow. Perhaps if you tried harder to talk it out…." she encouraged. They weren't in high school anymore, these two had shown signs of improvement yet still argued occasionally.

Anya smiled in amusement, it was saddening to know Amelia had not inherited this sense of maturity from her sister. She still had a lot of growing up to do, maybe one day she could be as smart and sensible as Alice. "Nyet Alice. Me and your sister have not argued today. Though I admit she is in an odd mood today" she explained calmly. She was glad someone around here could see that her roommate was not as perfect as people believed her to be. It was a rather delightful breath of fresh air.

Alice softened, relieved to know that Amelia had not upset Anya again. As malicious and intimidating as she appeared, she knew that Anya was not as wicked as people made her out to be. If anything, she was a little more complicated than that. Anya was a lonely if not somewhat misunderstood girl, due to her lack of awareness of her own actions. Whenever she got close to someone who understood her, she became possessive and jealous which tended to scare people off. She didn't mean to be creepy, she was just scared of being alone.

A heavy sigh escaped her lips, she knew Anya would simply continue to sit here by herself and disconnect from others. She would never make any friends if she continued to do so. She then approached Anya and took her hand gently "I'm having a little tea party with Marie, I always make far too much. I do believe sweets make one feel better when down" she explained. She couldn't watch Anya sit here all alone with her thoughts like this. It reminded her too much of her own childhood which deeply broke her heart.

Anya gave a confused look as she was pulled to her feet by the English girl. Being led away somewhere, she wasn't asking she was ordering. Though people believed Alice to be a pushover and weak, she had once been a punk and an ex delinquent, get on her bad side and these personalities came out. Alice was good at getting people to do what she wanted when she put in enough effort and attitude. But she admired that, her persuasiveness. The fact she knew how to get people to do what she wanted if she so wished.

* * *

Beads of sweat trickled down Amelia's face, her breathing heavy. Balancing on her feet and wiping her brow wearily, thank god for her stamina. She never would be able to continue training without it. The training helped work out her feelings and given her strong crush, she had a lot to vent. Alice had always said repressing your emotions was never a healthy thing to do, well now she had a way to work her feelings out and figure out her future at the same time.

"Gott verdammt Amelia, you've gotten stronger. I knew my awesome teaching would rub off eventually" Maria praised proudly. She had watched Amelia grow up from being a naïve girl to a blossoming young woman. Her training and tactics had helped her become even stronger and get closer to her goals. It was a proud day when your student started to show improvement and show how her lessons were rubbing off on them. But she had a long way to go before she overpowered her in terms of skill.

"Thanks, Maria" Amelia panted wearily, but her tone was happy. Maria was her senior in police training. She was older than her by a couple of years and a police trainee herself, but by a year. The two of them working towards becoming official officers. Though she hated to admit it, she had hoped that her goal would impress Anya just a little. Yet she simply ignored her and acted like she was doing this for attention, despite it being her dream for many years. She really hated how cruel Anya could be at times because she never seemed to realize how her words cut deep. Surely as a loner, she knew how painful it was when people said cruel words about you.

Maria smiled mischievously as Amelia wiped her face with a towel. She seemed more motivated than usual, something was on her mind for sure. And being the awesome classmate that she was, she would support her friend with whatever was bothering her. "You have a cute guy on your mind? Or perhaps some cute babe?" she teased. She was well aware of Amelia's bisexuality, she had twice as many people to love which she found awesome. If anyone gave her harassment for being Bi, she would put them in their place without hesitation whatsoever.

Amelia stiffened, her body turning like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck. As dense and cocky as she could be sometimes, Maria was no fool. She could be very perceptive when she wanted to be. Hiding her face in her towel, desperate not to be seen blushing like a schoolgirl. "Y.. Yeah" she mumbled into the towel, she had really hoped to wait to tell her. But you couldn't keep anything from Maria, she found out everyone's secrets somehow.

The German woman's face lit up brightly, a look of hyperactive happiness spreading across her face. Nearly jumping up and down on the spot like a child who was going to disneyland. "I knew it! Finally, you found yourself an awesome person! Tell me who it is, besties tell each other everything" Maria gloated happily. She rushed up to Amelia, hugging her happily. Winding her arm around her shoulder and ruffling her hair affectionately. She thought Amelia would be single forever. It took her long enough to meet someone.

Amelia shifted and blushed, feeling as awkward as ever. She knew that Maria and Anya had history, the two were once upon a time involved during their time in high school. Making her feel intimidated in their history together like she wouldn't be good enough. "I… It's my roommate. Anya… Anya Braginskaya" she stammered bashfully. There was a long silence in the room, so echoing you could hear a pin drop in the background. The sound of Maria's teasing laughter now disappeared in an instant. Only making the situation even more uncomfortable, the tension in the air rising.

Maria's mischievous smile became serious, her eyes hard. Conflict arising in her body, she was very fond of Amelia like a little sister. Causing her to worry about whom she had fallen in love with. At one point she was involved with Anya, more of a friends with benefit's situation. She never held any romantic feelings for Anya, neither did the latter for her. They were both lonely, she was in love with Daniel and Anya was simply desperate for affection. They later broke up as it wasn't doing either of them any favours or making them happy. Anya was, of course, angry with her, but more so because she wanted Prussia to love her which she never would. Causing a lot of tension when they eventually ended their relationship, to which they didn't speak to each other for a long time. They were now on better terms but she knew Anya would never forgive her.

Maria sighed, removing her arm from Amelia's shoulders "Ja, that would make sense. You've always had a type, the cute ones" she muttered her tone mocking amusement. She just hoped that Amelia knew what she was getting herself into. She then turned to Amelia with a serious face, no sense of humour in her tone or eyes. "That girl, I don't have to tell you she has issues. Many are not of her own fault, she had a difficult childhood which I sure as hell didn't help with. But more so, she's a lonely person. All she ever wanted from anyone as a kid was love".

Amelia's expression became worried and guilty, she knew Maria regretted what she had done in the past. She had a connection to Anya a long time ago before eventually dating her childhood crush Daniel. She had used Anya to fill a hole and eventually broke up their relationship put of self-hatred. Never expecting Anya to fall in love with her. She knew Anya was now over her, but bitter that she had never once been truly loved by Maria. That was a feeling she would never get over.

Maria folded her arms, an adult air flowing around her. Showing the maturity she kept repressed inside of her, held up by the facade of immaturity that she showed to everyone else. "Don't break her heart Amelia, but then again she may do the same back to you. Approach her like the heroine you are, but don't get too carried away is all" Maria warned. Anya was not an easy person to love, despite the craving for affection she carried. Anyone who got close to her knew that, because once she trusted you, she showed everything, it was just whether or not you could handle it.

Amelia nodded bravely, pretty much what Maria was telling her was not to fuck up as she had. Anya didn't easily forgive those who broke her heart, she either cut them off completely or she made their life a living hell. The few who ended things well, she looked at them as close friends "Thanks Maria". She knew she was looking out for her, Maria had always been like a big sister to her which she appreciated her. In fact she had been one of her inspirations for wanting to become a police officer, to be as cool and confident as she was.

Maria's expression turned back to her usual goofy smile "Now run along heroine. You're stinking up the place" she teased in amusement. Though she really hoped that time wouldn't repeat itself and their relationship work this time, instead of how much she fucked up. She would watch from afar and give advice where she could, but this was mostly a journey Amelia had to experience herself.

* * *

Anya, Alice and Marie sat together in silence a peaceful yet awkward ambience in the air. A freshly brewed pot of tea on the table, as well as a bounty of freshly baked goods made by Alice and Marie respectively. Given they liked to outdo one another, due to a deep seeded rivalry that started during their childhood. Despite their rivalry, there had always been a strong sexual and romantic tension between the two of them.

Marie had been crushing on Alice since they were kids, but never truly confessed her love to Alice. Instead, she used playground teasing in order to get her to notice her. Causing her grief when Alice ended up in a relationship with someone else, her heart broken. However, being the big sister nation that she was. She praised the happiness between Alice and Sakura, seeing how happy the Asian nation made the English girl. Never involving herself and instead, protecting them from anyone who would attempt to come between them.

Marie sipped her tea, a weary expression on her face "Mon Dieu, I really don't know how you put up with her antics Anya. That girl always has been a handful" she grumbled. Though she had a good heart deep down, she was often clueless, overthought situations and bad at communication when it came to romance. She still had such a long way to go before she became a proper young lady, perhaps she had been too spoiled growing up, she and Alice had doted on her quite a bit as a child.

Alice frowned, Amelia had always hated patronizing. They both used to give her a hard time growing up, but she had tried to wean off in recent years. But Marie was still rather bad for this. "I could say the same about our bloody friendship, Amelia isn't a bad girl. I'd say Madeline is certainly the most mature. But she still has a lot to learn, especially about love" she argued defiantly. Making mistakes and learning from them was part of growing up, Amelia was just taking her time to learn all of this.

"Which I could give her advice on" Marie grumbled. She was openly bisexual much like Amelia was, however, she was more efficient as a lover. She knew how to treat a woman well and she knew how to act like the perfect lady when dating men. If anything she was infamous for being a heartbreaker. But she never intentionally hurt people, she simply knew about the ups and downs of love. If only Amelia would come to her for help, she would teach her everything she knew.

Anya shifted, she had never really gotten on well with Marie. Though she was mature at times and called herself the big sister of the nations. She was often patronizing, a show-off and loved to tease other nations. Tending to act like her culture and style was better than everyone else. She was glad Alice had asked her to tea, knowing it had been a gesture of genuine kindness. However, she often found herself either overwhelmed by France or found her to be annoying. But her more common emotion was neutral, she had never really been bothered by the French woman in general.

"Amelia is a very confident person, she is well loved and popular. I guess what I don't like about her is how she has never had to work for the attention she gets. But what I find endearing is that she only ever breaks her façade around me, she shows her awkwardness, competitive side and embarrassment more around me" she admitted. Amelia always showed a smile and friendliness towards other people, a beaming ball of sunshine that never faltered. However, around her, she was more competitive, stubborn and often awkward or easily embarrassed. Something she never seemed to understand.

Marie smirked in amusement, sipping her tea silently while trying to restrain the laughter in her throat. Poor Anya was so naïve, she had no idea that sweet Amelia was crushing so hard on her it was painful. If only she could realize the feelings her roommate had for her. Though she knew it would annoy Alice and Amelia if she interfered, she doubted Anya would end up with her crush otherwise, desperate measures had to be taken sometimes after all. They would continue bouncing back and forth if not.

Alice tried to control the laughter that wanted to escape her lips, to shake Anya over the table and explain her adopted sister was in love with her. But it was not her place to interfere, so she could only give advice. She would have to keep an eye on Marie so she didn't do so, she had a bad habit of interfering when she shouldn't. "Amelia is an awkward girl, she's certainly come a long way. You becoming her roommate has certainly helped her mellow out. But you could both do with communicating better with each other. Especially if you want your relationship to grow".

Anya stared into her teacup, she always tried to communicate with Amelia. She was socially awkward and found Amelia hard to understand but she tried. All she wanted was to make friends and for people to understand she was not the cruel person they believed her to be. She always heard the whispers and rumours that people said about her, she always saw the looks of fear people gave her even when they tried to hide it. She knew that many people were only friends with her because of the benefits that came with it. Causing her to feel even more isolated and lonely than she had been as a child. Very few people were truly a friend to her, her brothers, Alice, her ex-lover Yue and now America had truly opened up to her. Making her grateful to the fact these people had shown her kindness and knew better than to think of her as a bad person. "I just wish she was more honest, it's hard to tell what she is thinking sometimes".

"Maybe you should take the first step mon Cher, you are far more mature than our little Amelia" Marie encouraged. There was only a year age difference between them, but the maturity between them was very prominent. They were complete opposites, but then that would only make them more compatible. Alice nodded in agreement, she may not have been good with people. But Anya needed to look inside of herself and find great courage if she wanted to make things work between her and Amelia. Maybe she could try using her feminine charms and seduction to make a better impression on the younger girl.

Anya felt a little better, glad she had accepted Alice's offer for tea. She was one of the few people she felt calm around. Being able to vent her feelings and understand Amelia from the people who knew her best changed her perspective, perhaps Amelia was scared but for a different reason. She was scared that she wouldn't love her. "Spasibo Alice" she muttered gratefully. If she had not accepted her kind gesture she never would be able to figure out the confused emotions that lay within her. She would have to follow her instinct, attempt to read Amelia's body language a little better. Trying to push her insecurities to try and get out of her comfort zone to try to seduce the American. At least she knew who to go to when she needed to talk.

* * *

Anya headed back to her apartment in silence, she remembered that Amelia had a love of horror movies and they had no classes tomorrow. Though she found many of the movies Amelia liked to be boring, she knew of a few good movies she found entertaining. She had never really been a fan of the movies from Amelia's nation, they were either too cheesy or not really scary in her opinion. But she knew that Amelia enjoyed them which is what mattered here. She had done some research on movies that Amelia would like, found the number for a good take away and some snacks and beverages. So they would be prepared for all the things that Amelia liked, which she knew would make her happy. However, after watching Amelia for long periods of time she knew a few things would happen tonight.

Unlike her male counterpart, Amelia was not scared of horror movies. She could sit through them completely unfazed, fascinated and sometimes appeared bored. However, her weakness was gore movies, often leaving her sick or squeamish if they were too graphic. She had borrowed some horror movies from Japan and a few others, the gory kind. Knowing that Amelia would be scared to death of these movies, hopefully causing the space between them to close. If Amelia ended up hugging her all night it would truly be a dream.

"Anya?" a familiar voice called out. She was in a happier mood than before, which really did make her skin crawl. She got the feeling that something had happened but she didn't know what. But she sensed no malice or wicked intentions from her which was a relief. Honestly, aside from flowers she had no idea of what subjects or hobbies even brought Anya joy, she never really spoke about her personal interests much with anyone. Always carrying an air of mystery about her.

Anya turned, a curious look on her face. A smile spread across her face when she saw Amelia standing opposite her, sweaty and tired from her training. "Privet Amelia" she greeted warmly. She wondered how her training was today, she needed a shower she knew that much. But it seemed it had done her the good of working out her previous passive aggressive mood from this morning. She did enjoy it when Amelia didn't tease her so, if only she could be genuinely nice.

"You look like you've been busy" Amelia replied trying to hide her annoyance. She wondered if she had found a new interest or perhaps a girl had confessed to her. Honestly, it was hard to tell with Anya most days, she knew how to keep her secrets hidden. She rarely wanted to spend time with her which hurt a lot, wondering what Anya hated so much about her.

"Da, I am having a movie night" Anya explained. She knew that Amelia would expect Maria, Yue, her brothers and Amelia. However, she instead meant between the two of them alone. She loved to see the look of awkward realization on Amelia's face, it was rather endearing. Amelia tried not to look jealous, if Anya had a date she would spend the night out of the apartment and try to find a distraction. She often believed Anya was playing games with her and knew of her romantic feelings. Like a child burning ants under a magnifying glass.

"I believe you like horror movies, could you give some good suggestions" Anya teased. Hopefully they would actually watch some films instead of simply spending more time browsing and bored. Amelia did have a bad habit of doing this which annoyed a few people. She wanted to have an evening to actually bond with Amelia and hopefully grow closer to her, though she didn't know if anything would happen between them tonight.

Amelia blinked, rather surprised at her answer while Anya simply continued to smile. As the realization started to hit her, her eyes widened and her face began to turn bright red. Her voice no longer able to escape her lips, shock starting to kick in. Anya was organizing a Netflix and chill, she had experienced casual hook ups before but this was her first serious date. The girl she liked, her roommate had planned a date. Here she had hoped to make a move but now her crush was being the bold one. This was happening so fast. God, was she planning to have sex? Was she planning to have a hookup? Was this a joke? Was she serious? Oh my god her head was a mess, she was scared, happy and excited all at the same time. She thanked whatever gods had been listening to her prayers. "Yes!" Yes I can do that" she babbled awkwardly realizing how loud her voice was. She looked like a moron but she couldn't let this chance pass. She had to seize this moment while she could. She thanked Maria for the advice earlier, it seemed it was working in her favour.

**Dobroye utro-Good morning**

**Sestra-Sister**

**Gott verdammt-God damn**

**Mon cher-My dear**


	2. Pretty girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amelia attempts to enjoy her movie night with Anya, but ends up having a gay panic instead. The two get the wrong idea but get some pep talk from their family. Trying to fix their mess with another date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This new chapter name may or may not have been inspired by Lesbian jesus

Amelia sat curled up on the sofa, gripping a sofa pillow tightly to her chest like a lifeline. Not that she was scared, she loved horror movies. They were like her lifeblood, no she had this pillow to vent her frustrations about the woman she was not attracted to sitting next to her. She had changed into her favourite superwoman T-shirt and matching blue PJ shorts printed with stars. Somehow the room had become warmer than she remembered it previously being so. Becoming smaller and a tension filling the air, wondering if this had been a good idea, to begin with. God, she wanted to scream her lungs out with frustration. Why couldn't things just be more simple? Why couldn't Anya just read her damn mind?

Why did she have to play this endless game of clues and hints in hopes of Anya recognising she was in love with her, homo intended damn it. Though she had previous crushes and brief relationships before, puppy love so to speak. She had never had such intense feelings for anyone before, she couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't dream without Anya passing through her mind. She found herself feeling jealous when someone even mentioned the idea of Anya having a lover, someone else liking her or picturing her kissing someone else. She just wanted it to be over and everything to be out in the open.

Unable to make a decision, they chose a movie at random that neither of them had seen. It saved arguments and there would be no spoilers about the movie that Amelia would know of. Meaning it would be a surprise for both of them. Given Anya was not the kind of person who showed emotions easily, Amelia had chosen something with jump scares and gore in hopes of getting a rise out of Anya. Given aside from that scary smile she was known for, Anya often wore a poker face, making her harder to read. Though she had come to bond with Anya and become comfortable around her. This was the reason why she was unable to understand Anya's feelings, whether or not she was even into girls and if there was any hope of her becoming her future girlfriend. Leaving her to watch Anya like a hawk in hopes of getting a sign of some kind.

She probably looked like a weirdo, constantly staring at her roommate like a predator stalking its prey. But she just couldn't help herself, constantly overthinking about what was on her crushes mind only made her more curious. She wanted to ask Anya if she had a crush on anyone, but she couldn't seem to get the words out. Instead, just watching her movements. However, aside from a look of surprise and eating snacks, Anya hadn't reacted much at all. But she was invested in the film, her eyes glued to the screen and not a word escaped her lips. So the movie night had been a good idea after all. She was the epitome of unpredictable, aside from some eyebrow raises and hums, she hadn't spoken a word since the movie started.

Amelia couldn't help but pout, this had been Anya's idea in the first place so why did she look so damn bored? I mean they were roommates so why was she surprised? But if they couldn't have some discussion to break the tension, she would go mad. Anything to distract her would be great, hell a sudden jumpscare, a phone call or a knock at the door. So long as it meant it could tear her attention away from Anya's lips and those slender fingers of hers. She was jealous of a bowl of popcorn, she had really hit her lowest point. She was never usually this petty, yet she found herself in this situation. She was just so desperate to be able to date Anya, to be able to show her feelings and feel comfortable at last instead of being constantly on edge.

She wanted to love openly, show she was happy and had a girlfriend, simply able to go about her life and breathe easier. She had always known about her attraction to both genders, hell she was proud of that fact. But why of all girls did she get a crush on Anya? She should have hated the girl, hell they were rivals. So why did she turn into a bubble brain whenever she so much as looked at her? She knew her classmate Monika had her pervy interests, could it be she was becoming one of those masochists? God she hoped not, she felt strange enough already. It was like Anya cast some kind of spell on her that turned her brain to mush whenever she was in her presence. Her outgoing confidence vanished in a flash, reducing her to a confused, embarrassed and awkward mess. But she couldn't go on like this forever. She had to tell her someday before Anya slipped through her fingers.

However, her internal debate had become obvious to her crush. "Are you hungry Amelia? Do you want some popcorn?" Anya asked casually, her gaze briefly averting from the TV towards Amelia. Gesturing at her with the bowl of popcorn politely. She had been staring at her for some time now, could it be she was getting hungry? They hadn't really made any dinner before this and she was planning on ordering some food or eating leftovers soon enough. They could not be fulfilled on popcorn alone as delicious as it was. It was not nutritional nor was it filling, they would need a meal of some kind after this.

She didn't really enjoy conversation during movies as it deviated from the plot. But she couldn't ignore that something was wrong with her roommate. I mean, Amelia had always been somewhat of a strange girl, Alice and Marie's influence hadn't helped in that area. She wasn't naïve to the fact that Amelia was acting strange even for her. Though she at first ignored it, thinking that Amelia must have simply being going through a rough patch and gave her personal space, lately she didn't seem to recover and it was worrying her. She wondered if Amelia was also being bullied now, much like she had in the past.

Thank god it was dark because Amelia's face darkened so red she could have been a strawberry. She gripped the pillow tighter and adamantly looked away in shame, suddenly she wasn't so hungry anymore. "N… No, I'll get food later" she mumbled awkwardly. She was too anxious to eat. She felt like her stomach was in knots, her body trembling ever so. Hell, if she did end up eating she would panic eat. Making an ass of herself and only making herself feel bad. She would rather eat in a calmer state of mind when she could control herself somewhat. She could certainly do with some comfort food, that always made her feel better about everything.

Anya blinked, chewing the popcorn in silence, enjoying the familiar buttery infused taste of toffee and sugar on her tongue. It seemed her attempt at an ice breaker had failed miserably, disappointing her greatly. She had hoped watching a movie Amelia enjoyed would bring them closer. Yet she sensed a wall between them, wondering what could be bothering the American. But she knew she would never get it out of Amelia right now, besides she was enjoying the movie. They would be able to talk about this later on.

* * *

"That was pleasantly enjoyable, for a movie with so much blood and bad decisions. The plot was surprisingly good" Anya replied casually. Usually, she didn't enjoy horror movies due to the plot being cheesy, sub-par acting and the same dumb plot that was becoming too similar. She got to her feet slowly, taking the empty bowl to be washed in the sink. She knew Amelia wouldn't do the dishes tonight, she would be too jumpy from the horror movie. She had picked up on the fact that with certain movies, though she tried to hide it. In fact affected Amelia more than she let on, horror movies in particular. She wondered if the latter would sleep at all tonight. Though most people saw her as a monster, she was, in fact, more caring than people realized. Given she tended to babysit Amelia nowadays.

"Y… yeah, good choice huh?" Amelia babbled nervously. Truth be told she hadn't been paying much attention to the movie. She would have to rewatch it again by herself. She had been too distracted by how much she wanted to kiss Anya. She released her death grip on the pillow and tossed it back on the sofa. She needed a glass of water, hell she needed a night walk. Anything to distract herself from the fact she had Anya on the brain. She couldn't be more obvious that something was on her mind. She had no classes tomorrow, meaning she could sleep in and get up at her own time. Maybe go and spend time with her sister or Sakura, just a familiar face to help her vent about her feelings. She needed to relax or get out of her own head a while, she would only continue to stress herself out the way things were now.

"Amelia…" Anya asked abruptly, her tone serious. She peered at Amelia from the corner of her eye. A look of coldness and suspicion in her eyes, she knew something was on her mind and being roommates they could not keep it a secret for long. She had been attempting to bond with Amelia and she didn't appreciate her still keeping secrets. She admitted she wasn't the easiest person to get along with, she had never really had friends before. Her possessiveness of those closest to her was due to the fact she was terrified of being left alone, bullying as a child shattering her self confidence. But she found herself truly comfortable around Amelia.

Amelia felt a shiver of panic run down her spine like ice. She knew that tone all too well, she had heard it many times before back in high school. This was Anya's, don't mess with me tone. The serious voice, scary Anya. The persona that made her infamously intimidating among other classmates. She turned to Anya nervously, trying to force herself to smile. Acting like she wasn't a deer in headlights. "Y… Yeah?" she stammered. She worried that she and Anya would have a fight, she hated it when Anya avoided her or was hurt due to misunderstandings. The bridge she had built to bring them closer would shatter and she would have to build it all over again. Despite all the people that admired her, she wasn't as perfect as people made her out to be.

"You were staring at me an awful lot during the movie. If you didn't want to watch it, you could have told me" she replied casually. She thought Amelia enjoyed such movies, if she wasn't in the mood, she should have told her. She wouldn't force Amelia to do something she didn't want to, only to appease herself. Growing up she hadn't really had female friends, due to growing up with two brothers. Even now she found it hard to connect to women, due to the fact she was more comfortable around tomboys or men, as it was more familiar to her. But she felt like she was breaking out of that shell, all thanks to Amelia's positive influence.

Yep, panic mode set to high. Like hell, she was going to tell Anya " _Yeah, I think you're the cutest girl I've ever met which is bad because I'm supposed to hate you. It's not like I want to kiss you until you pass out"._ Yeah, real smooth and not at all weird, hell she didn't even know if Anya liked her back. "I… well, popcorn is greasy as hell, right? So… I think you got shiny lips. It was kind of funny" Amelia babbled. It was a quick save but it was all she could come up with. Usually, she loved snacks at a movie, she would wolf them down in a heartbeat. But she had been so distracted and anxious that she lost her appetite completely.

She could keep playing these excuses as long as possible until her confidence allowed her to finally speak the truth. She would never allow someone else to take Anya, she was crazy about her. Yes, she was scared to tell her how she felt but wasn't everyone when it came to their crush? She waited in patience, hoping that Anya bought her lie. Hell, it was far too awkward to explain that she was crushing on her severely. What if Anya didn't even like girls or laughed at her? She couldn't bear the thought of that happening. She had nightmares about being mocked, laughed at, rejected or even learning Anya liked someone else. These fears plagued her daily, eating away at the back of her mind. Keeping her from confessing, lingering in worry and loving her in secret.

Anya stared at her in surprise, before a light blush dusted across her cheeks. She touched her lips with a wet soapy hand bashfully, averting her gaze. Amelia was making fun of her? I mean, microwave popcorn came with butter didn't it? She averted her gaze, looking away from Amelia. Though she had been sure Amelia had been blushing, perhaps she was mistaken. She really thought that maybe, she had wanted to… kiss? "Da… that makes sense. I shall wash up before bed" she mumbled quietly. Why was she so hurt that Amelia hadn't wanted to kiss her too? I mean, Amelia was known for making jokes anyway. She had been teased by her before, but why now did she want to cry? Why did she feel so angry?

Amelia felt a sense of guilt wash over her, why did Anya sound so hurt? I mean, they were rivals on top of roommates. Joking, teasing and occasionally pranking one another was a common thing. She could have sworn Anya had looked hopeful. "Well, goodnight" she coughed awkwardly, escaping the tension for the safety of the bathroom. Hoping to get away from this, not wanting to talk about it a second longer. She couldn't get her hopes up too soon, she couldn't assume that Anya felt the same way yet, it was too soon for that. This wasn't some stupid romantic comedy for crying out loud.

* * *

Amelia leaned against the bathroom door, chewing her lip nervously. Her face bright red, that was too close for comfort. She had nearly been caught out, she had to be more careful. But yes, Anya had been right she had been staring at her like she wanted to eat her face. She needed to be more subtle about her feelings to ease Anya into getting a hint. If she blew it, there would be no going back. Given they lived together already, avoiding one another would be incredibly difficult in a worst-case scenario. But holding back was becoming harder with each passing day. She wanted to kiss Anya so badly until she passed out or went weak in the knees. She was so cute that she couldn't stand it. She had been crushing on the Russian girl for so long she swore she was going crazy.

Yes, Anya could be childish, sometimes selfish and clingy towards those she believed were her friends. But she was also desperately lonely, seeking affection like a moth to the flame and just needed companionship. Hell, Amelia was the only person who tolerated her and actually hung out with her. Anya had never been able to keep a relationship due to her protective brothers and how her personality sometimes scared people off. But Amelia had fallen for her hard, she was just too perfect. She teased her yes, but never maliciously. Because she knew Amelia would always take the bate and react, never malicious just playful. She made sure Amelia got snacks when hangry so she wouldn't make a scene. She just took care of Amelia in general which she appreciated, as Anya was not obligated to do so.

It was clear she had a maternal side, she was gentle and maternal with her brothers. Showing a caring side she didn't often reveal to others, showing how kind she could be. The only reason she was so warped was due to the trauma and bullying she endured as a kid. Sadly, she had heard about people in the past asking Anya out on a date as a joke, then telling everyone about it, leaving Anya to keep her distance. The only reason people stopped doing so was that her brother Nikolai threatened the bullies of what would happen if they hurt his sister again. But the past actions had left Anya jaded of people's intentions and interest in her.

But she didn't know if Anya was just playing with her and manipulating her to get a rise. Like poking a cat until they lashed out and scratched, which would end with a bored Anya finding her new entertainment. Or if she was genuinely serious about her interest in Amelia, meaning she had a chance. "Damn it" she growled in frustration. Cupping her face with her hands and groaning under her breath. She had hoped just to have a casual evening of jokes and enjoying movies. Now she was just crushing harder and even more confused.

* * *

Anya stared at the soapy water in the sink silently, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. Feeling her hands starting to prune within the water, but she paid no mind to it. Wondering if this had been a good idea. Seeing that Amelia had quickly made her escape once the movie was over. Maybe she should learn from men's flirtation techniques, placing an arm over the sofa casually, moving closer to Amelia in a faked attempt to become more comfortable, something that would bring them into a moment together. I mean she had to try something.

Many people made approaching their crush much easier than it was in real life, less pressure, less anxiety and neve the potential of failure. She didn't quite understand a lot of Amelia's hobbies or interests. She was very different to herself and much more outgoing, truth be told she was jealous of the outgoing nature of Amelia. Wishing she could be as confident as her roommate. She hated unwanted attention or awkward tension, always trying to find a way to divert it. But Amelia always found a way out of it or to turn the situation around, she could not say the same for herself. But she was trying to move past her insecurities and trust Amelia, to seduce her on her own terms. To let her know how she felt.

She had hoped a movie night would help bring them closer, the movie had indeed been fun but she didn't think she would be eating much popcorn again in the future. But instead, it had ended with Amelia keeping her distance and escaping to her room as soon as it was over. Meaning the plan had backfired completely, but she didn't know what had gone wrong. She sighed sadly, gripping her hands under the water tightly. Wishing Amelia would talk to her, hoping to fix whatever had made her so unhappy. Instead, she just ran away all over again.

She hated this wall between her and Amelia, admittedly the American could be somewhat annoying at times. But over time she had seen the side of Amelia that she tried so desperately to hide from others to prevent them from seeing the insecurities she pretended didn't exist. She was desperate for acceptance and recognition from others, panicking that if she wasn't admired or made a good impression she would be left alone. Yes, everyone knew the proud bisexual, body-positive sporty tomboy that was popular with nearly all of her classmates. Little did they know, she secretly carried a sense of self-consciousness and insecurity, constantly worrying what impression she gave to others. Worrying that half of the people she became attracted to or approached her only wanted her for sex.

Anya was secretly happy, to have someone who knew what it was like to have demons. To feel like an outsider, to be able to have someone who wasn't afraid of her. But lately, it seemed like the closer she tried to break down the wall, Amelia kept putting them back up again. Anya growled under her breath in frustration, gripping her hands into fists, able to feel the slowly pruning skin forming. She wasn't going to give up damn it, she would get Amelia to open up. One way or another.

* * *

" _So, after putting up the effort to get close to Anya using movies. You ran away like you always do?"_ Maddie's voice replied bluntly down the phone. Honestly, she was never going to get with her crush if she didn't make a move. Yes, she knew about the crippling self doubt that came with falling for someone, but she had to take the leap. Yes it could go either really badly or be a success, but at least she could say she had tried, which was better than nothing. She could take pride in that at least.

Amelia pouted, she could practically feel Maddie's judgmental stare burning her through the phone. Though she was known for her sweet nature, Maddie could in fact sometimes be quite blunt and passive-aggressive sometimes. Though she rarely showed people this side of herself. "I… It's not like I planned to. I… things…. It got awkward ok?!" Amelia babbled in frustration. She had been desperate to jump across the couch and smother Anya in kisses. But what if she pushed her away, what if she looked like a creep or something like that. She didn't want to mess things up. She wanted to go at her own pace, even though it was becoming more frustrating by the day.

Maddie sighed wearily, it was late. She had heard this scenario many times before, Amelia panicking and freaking out about her crush, then having to calm her down again. Before Amelia tried at another attempt only to fail again because instead of trying a simple approach, she went all out and pressured herself. She knew Amelia was crushing hard on Anya, anyone could see that. Hell sometimes people teased the idea but the way things stood they would never end up a couple. Amelia was too awkward and tended to say the wrong thing, and Anya appeared to grow frustrated at Amelia's attitude and fickle nature. She herself was currently dating Lovina, Feliciana's older sister. They had met through a mutual art class the two of them were taking. After offering to buy her some coffee, the two had started to make it a regular thing. Lovina asking Maddie out for coffee and Maddie offering to buy her breakfast, before long they were together.

She wanted more than anything for her older sister to find happiness too, she deserved to find someone. She had been admittedly surprised to learn that Amelia liked Anya, given their reputation in high school, but people changed, feelings changed. Life was funny like that, unpredictable and strange, but you went along for the ride. Amelia's lack of trying to think outside the box wasn't helping, she often laughed at how clueless her sister could be, wondering which parent they inherited it from. " _Well, you at least tried with the movies. But… Amelia. Don't you think a more casual or even simple approach would be better? I know you want to impress her, but… putting pressure on yourself hasn't worked so far"_ Maddie reminded her. Anya was obviously politer and even acting nicer towards Amelia since becoming her roommate. Though they still had tension, their previous hostility had worn down since. But they still had the invisible wall due to lack of communication and Amelia too awkward to make an approach.

Amelia grumbled under her breath, knowing Maddie was right as always. Hell, how come she was so smooth at flirting when she couldn't make out a sentence without looking like a moron? She hadn't inherited France's charisma to woo the pants off anyone she met. She then heard the door open on the other end of the phone, some Italian cursing and the door close abruptly. It seemed Lovina had returned home, though she would soon cool off steam once she got cuddles from Maddie. She was pretty much the epitome of a teddy bear. "Lovina home?" Amelia replied impatiently. If Lovina simply wanted a bath or a shower, they could talk longer. But if they were going to cuddle or more, she would have to hang up and give them privacy.

" _Yeah, she's got a big project coming up and it's been hard on her. She's not gotten much sleep lately either"_ Maddie explained. Being an art student really was taking a toll on Lovina, but she worked hard and earned her grades which she should be proud of. She was becoming stressed and judging herself harder than usual, which upset Maddie. She was exceptionally talented and needed to stop comparing herself to Feliciana and others, she was her own worst enemy when it came to self critique.

Amelia felt a sense of guilt and worry, she herself was training to be a police officer. She had idolized heroes her entire life and being an officer she could take down the bad guys. But being an art student was no walk in the park, it was an incredibly stressful experience. "I can leave, I expect she's going to need a hefty dose of Maddie love to feel better" she joked.

" _Is that American calling you about her lack of a love life again?"_ Lovina's annoyed tone came from the background. God, why didn't she just tell Anya how she felt already? Amelia heard Maddie snort in amusement but muffled her mouth. She knew she was teasing her but not out of malice, to be honest, she had long since admitted her love life was a joke. But she was still mad about it though.

" _I made apple fritters"_ Maddie replied fondly knowing her lover would be hungry. Homemade with cinnamon, sugar and caramel. It would perk her up immediately with coffee. There came an orgasmic sounding moan of delight from the background, then Lovina muttering something in Italian but in a positive tone. Probably about how much she loved Maddie and how she was going to marry her one day.

"I best go, but thanks for listening to me" Amelia replied gratefully. She would have to get some of those fritters from Maddie though, they were damn near delicious and she wasn't going to let Lovina eat them all again. She wanted some too. Sweet things always made her feel better when she was down, or should she say, home cooked food always made her feel better.

" _Bye Amelia"_ Maddie replied before hanging up the phone.

Amelia gripped her mobile tightly in her hand, feeling a little better for ranting but still annoyed. Somehow she knew that Maddie was right, she needed to try harder but be subtle. She did have a tendency to go in over her head when it came to impressing people. She just wanted to spend time with Anya, to let her know how she felt. To try testing the waters to see if she liked her too, before getting her heart broken before moving too fast. All these romance movies making it look so damn easy were not realistic at all. She kept spouting endless word vomit while feeling as though she was on a stage about to give the worlds worst speech. Nobody got with their crush that easily, it just wasn't realistic at all.

Suddenly there was a knock on her bedroom door making her jump out of her skin. She had tried to be quiet as to not draw attention to herself. Had she unknowingly raised her voice? God, this had to be the worst evening of her life so far. She took a deep breath and got to her feet, wondering if Anya was still worried about her fast escape. Hoping she hadn't unintentionally hurt her feelings.

She opened the door to of course find Anya standing there. She looked so angelic it wasn't fair, why did her crush have to be so perfect? It wasn't making things any easier. She was wearing a white sleeveless blouse shirt, only making her sizeable bust more prominent. Her long platinum blonde hair falling down her back like snow. A black lower calf-length skirt to match with her translucent black tights. She was so ladylike compared to herself, always looking her best even when she was at home. Anya shifted in the doorway, fiddling with her fingers nervously. She could see the hidden anxiety in her eyes, though Anya was trying to hide this with one of her usual smiles.

"Dobryy vecher Amelia" she replied calmly. She had so many things she wanted to ask. Maybe she should have offered her popcorn, suggested a different movie. Maybe assumed that Amelia would rather go out. If she had done anything to upset her, she wanted to apologize for that. Admittedly those cheesy dating books on self help with lov were not helpful and inaccurate, not seeming to take into consideration that all people were different and no methods worked for everyone whatsoever.

Amelia swallowed, looking into those violet eyes she swore she was seeing stars. She coughed nervously not wanting to leave the younger girl waiting. "Good evening" she responded quickly. She must have looked so suspicious right now, it was obvious she was uncomfortable. She felt her arms slowly moving up her body to hug herself, a defence mechanism she had developed over the years when she was insecure or afraid. Instinctively protecting herself from being hurt in some way, trying to shut out any negativity that may influence her.

"I do hope you didn't feel forced to watch that movie with me. You seem to enjoy them, so I assumed… we could do so together" she asked hesitantly. If Amelia had plans with someone else she would understand. She had just hoped to understand her a little better. Maybe see what had been bothering her. But she worried if she had overstepped her boundaries and assumed that Amelia even wanted to spend time with her. I mean they had become closer in recent years but she was currently confused on where they stood.

Amelia felt a sharp pain hit her, a pang of guilt weighing down on her. Now she felt even worse, she had made Anya feel like she didn't want to watch that movie with her. Like she had been trying to avoid her. God, she felt like such an asshole. The last thing she ever wanted to do was upset Anya, she wished she could be more mature about her feelings. But she had never experienced such a strong crush on anyone before. It was like her brain seemed to malfunction whenever she so much as attempted to compliment her. "NO! I mean, you…. Crap" she babbled in panic.

Anya appeared stunned by the abrupt outburst of Amelia, how she avoided her eye contact yet again and her words were muddled. She clenched her fists, having promised herself she would try. "Da, you were saying, crap?" she repeated patiently. She couldn't help but want to smile or even laugh at the flustered face of Amelia, she wondered if anyone else had seen her look like this. How sweet, to know that Amelia was capable of making such an expression around her of all people, it was rather flattering indeed.

Amelia decided that saying something too complicated would end up becoming stupid again. Perhaps something simple would be easier for her to manage without looking like a fool. She just liked Anya so much and trying to speak to her was like trying to defeat the moss on a hard level of a game. She took a deep breath her cheeks flushed with colour "You, me, coffee? Drinks maybe?" she replied desperately.

Anya blinked, while she had been spouting nonsense she had mentioned coffee or some kind of beverage. A casual setting, something where they could talk. She would like that, something that would allow them to talk with less pressure. That sounded like a better idea. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear shyly. "I hear there is a local bar, all of our classmates go. They have food and beer, you like beer da?" she replied nervously. She had never been one for bars for long periods. But she felt maybe she could bond with Amelia more comfortably there.

There was no way she was going to be able to flirt with Anya sober, hell, she was doing a disastrous job so far. So drinking at a bar more comfortably seemed like a better option. Hell, she couldn't say she wasn't trying god damn it. I mean, Anya was making the offer to be friendly. "S... Sure, just say when and I'm up for it" Amelia replied abruptly. She couldn't give up, she really liked Anya. Maybe a little dutch courage would allow them to break the mould and let them bond. Better than the trainwreck that was their movie night.

Anya breathed a sigh of relief, half expecting Amelia to say no. She was so hard to read she never knew what the American was thinking. Sometimes she even wondered if Amelia enjoyed spending time with her at all. "Friday is good unless you have plans?". She would hope Amelia would notify her first before she did such a thing, expecting them to hang out only for Amelia to choose to spend time with someone else without telling her would be rude.

Amelia hummed, they had classes all week and Friday's were when she let her hair down. Potential hangover and bad mistakes were a given, so why not just roll with it? Though she wondered if Anya had thought this through beforehand. "You betcha, me you, drinks. Friday" she agreed. Anya smiled, a soft blush colouring her cheeks. Amelia swore she could have eaten her up right then. Remembering why she had developed a crush in the first place. Anya walked back to her room quietly, before nodding in approval. Amelia slowly closed the door, eyeing Anya as she left. She had it so bad, but she couldn't help but scream internally for joy. Her first real date with Anya, someone had to be looking down on her right now with pity. "Don't mess up, don't mess this up. You can do this!" she repeated mentally. She would flirt the hell out of Anya no matter what.

* * *

Anya closed her bedroom door, she had done it. She had finally asked Amelia out front for drinks. God knows things were going too slow for her liking so she finally made a second move. The movie had been a disaster so she had to think of a second move. Amelia was hard to read and often the spontaneous type, but she got the feeling that she liked her too. Whenever she averted her gaze when her cheeks coloured or she spoke utter nonsense. She felt that it was all because of her. Since her past relationship in her past with Yue Wang, she hadn't really had feelings or a relationship for that matter with anyone. But then she met Amelia jones, and suddenly she was a mess.

She was often flustered, angry and shy because Amelia got under her skin, making a mess of her rationality and causing her to either want to kiss her or left her speechless. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt such a strong attraction to anyone. She slowly approached her bed in a daze, wondering if she would wake up and Amelia would be back to usual. Her dorky self walking around in semi revealing clothes, unaware of how alluring she looked. Flirting with cute male and female classmates so casually. She was never good at speaking her feelings, often keeping them to herself in hopes of protecting herself. Preferring to cry alone into her pillow as she longed for love from the object of her affections. But for the first time in a long time, she had hope.

Her body became heavy, like a weight piled upon her out of nowhere. Falling onto the comfort of her mattress, enveloped by the warm comfort of her sheets and blankets, her face smothered into the pillow. Her long hair flowing down her back and across the pillow. Sighing heavily in relief and confusion. She didn't know when she started to pursue Amelia, all of a sudden she was all she could think about. What her lips would taste like, appreciating her appearance and then how much she wanted her all to herself. Her thoughts slowly becoming more inappropriate.

Ever since she was a child, she had felt an empty hole in her heart, one that longed to be filled with affection and loyalty. Longing for a companion who would help her ease the emptiness of her soul, feeling as though she would forever be alone. China had cared for her, babied her and kept her from getting into trouble, though her relationship had been more maternal than romantic. But with Amelia, things changed. She knew she wanted to belong to her, Amelia to belong to her. She refused to allow anyone else to have Amelia, for her to end up in someone else's arms.

She sighed under her breath, a heavy growl escaping her lips. Reaching out to her desk to grab her phone, her eyes locked on the screen. She tapped her fingers across the buttons before sending a message to her brother Nikolai. She had found speaking to her family about her deepest thoughts was easier, given she knew they would keep a secret and had been her longest confidants ever since they were children.

_I made another movie. Watching movies didn't work, perhaps drinking will do the trick-Anya_

Dmitri her older brother immediately replied. He was the older, more mature and sensitive of the trio. After leaving college himself he had developed a better life for himself and become more confident.

" _You won't get anywhere if you cannot be honest. I know it is hard for you to be so bold, but you will lose your chance if not. I am always here for advice-Dmitri"_

" _Is that woman really so dense? Maybe you will have to be more blunt with your opinion? Do I need to have a word with her? Did she make you cry?-Nikolai"_

Anya smiled, though still protective of her. Nikolai had found himself able to date more comfortably by being honest about his feelings for other people. Though still socially awkward his life had become better for it.

" _I have asked Amelia out for drinks, she likes beer da? Maybe that will help her loosen her tongue a little-Anya"_

She knew Amelia would never talk to her without some alcohol in her system, though she would never take advantage of Amelia in that way, despite rumours about her. She simply wanted them to be both comfortable and less pressure on their shoulders to talk. Maybe they would see classmates there. Was it a date? I mean, the pressure of it being one potentially may arise in the future. But for now she only wanted to understand Amelia on her own terms, to know what situations she may use in the future to become her lover. In order to make her feelings for her blossom further, in hopes of them entering a relationship.

" _Be careful, don't make any foolish mistakes. That girl may say something stupid while intoxicated. Look after yourselves-Nikolai"_

" _Wonderful idea, the simplest approach is often the most successful. Remember you can always talk to us-Dmitri"_

Anya placed down her phone, rolling over to curl into a fetal position, reaching for her pillow and clutching it to her face. Remembering how Amelia had done the same during their movie? Was this a gesture of insecurity, was Amelia expecting her to make the first move? "Gav-no" she mumbled under her breath. She wouldn't have had to consider an alternative plan had she been more perceptive. But how was she supposed to know what Amelia was thinking, that girl's mood changed like the weather at the best of times?

* * *

" _You what?!"_ Maddie yelled abruptly. Where had this change in mood come from? Usually Amelia simply complained at how her crush was getting nowhere and she feared to be single forever. She felt proud of her big sister. She had taken her advice to heart and decided she could no longer sulk about. Taking the casual approach like she suggested, taking some of the pressure off herself had allowed her to think more clearly.

Amelia shifted nervously, was this a dream? Was this real? She was still a little taken aback that she had actually managed to ask Anya out. "Y… Yeah… I suggested we go for drinks" she chuckled awkwardly. She wanted to do that embarrassing dance all girls do when something good happens with the person they like, when you feel happy and you feel chemistry. There was no word for it but everyone understood what she meant.

" _Sorella idiota finally got herself a date? About time"_ Lovina's voice teased from the background. Seriously, nearly everyone knew about Amelia's not so secret crush on the Russian. How she had not made a move yet was infuriating to watch. She had been tempted many times to intervene and just break the ice herself, she had only held herself back for Maddie's sake.

Amelia pouted, she knew all too well that Lovina was teasing her again. Yes, she was an anxiety-ridden bisexual. But hell, she was proud of herself. She finally felt like she was getting somewhere, moving along another stepping stone. Walking the path of love, the bubbles and butterflies in the stomach that left you feeling good.

" _Do you want me to help you out? I and Lovina could help you get ready and even give some pointers. If you freak out, just text us casually and we will do what we can"_ Maddie reassured her. Though Amelia had to do this herself, she could always ask for help.

The mental image of her sister and her girlfriend spying on her while dating sent a sickening feeling down Amelia's back. That scenario would only make it look like she was plotting some awful prank on Anya and drive her away. That was the last thing she wanted to happen. However, she could use the pep talks and back up should things go wrong. "N… No I mean… yes. You can prep me before the date and help me get ready. But don't…. don't spy on us. I'll let you know what happens through the night" Amelia babbled. Hell, she was glad it was her sister and not Marie giving her pointers. No doubt she would explain how two women fell in love, how to seduce Anya and all sorts of embarrassing stuff like that. God knows she loved the French woman, but at times she could be a bit over the top with her support on love talks.

" _Don't do anything stupid. Imagine her as a Principessa if that helps, try to imagine something a heroine would do"_ Lovina reassured her. Not anything as overdramatic that would scare her off, but some of the small things she did in her fantasies that led to Anya falling in love with her. Treat her like she was the only woman in the world, the most precious jewel that needed to be cared for and nurtured.

"What you mean sweep her off her feet and ride off into the sunset?" Amelia joked. She knew Lovina was trying to help but honestly half of her daydreams just sounded cringey or embarrassing in real life. Though fairytales were a fun read and often left you with a childish sense of mind afterwards, in reality their expectations were not really very appropriate long term. But they were still fun and a long-term guilty pleasure.

" _Questo idiota"_ Lovina mumbled under her breath. She was often grateful that Amelia didn't know much Italian or this would only make things worse. This woman needed a full tutorial of how to approach her crush, let alone a pep talk. "Listen, you treat her nice, you compliment her, just be casual and if it feels wrong or right, say it. You think too much, you mess up. Baby steps sì?". Maddie said nothing, obviously impressed by Lovina's pep talk and how easily she said what she was thinking. Amelia was now starting to understand how these two may have ended up together so easily.

"So, be nice to her, make her feel special and do what comes naturally?" Amelia replied hesitantly. That sounded easy enough, but she still worried somewhere along the way something would go wrong. Or maybe that was just her anxiety and self-consciousness talking. Still, they made it sound a lot easier than it really was, peer pressure and panic would follow her.

"YES!" Maddie and Lovina replied in unison, she was finally getting it. Though it had taken some time she was finally understanding what they were trying to say. How Amelia didn't understand how it could be so easy was beyond them.

Amelia winced at their heated tones down the phone, feeling guilty at how she had been pressuring them for help and whining so much. But they really had made her feel better. "Thank you guys, really. Sorry for being such a moron, I guess… I dunno I really like Anya. And well…. Sometimes just looking at her… my brain turns to mush". The line went quiet for some time, it wasn't often Amelia was so mushy. It was a side of herself she didn't often show to others. The nervous girl who just wanted love and a happy ending. The girl whom she worried nobody would like if she ever showed them.

" _You'll be fine Amelia. You aren't a moron, everyone acts like a doofus around their crush"_ Maddie teased. She wasn't any different than any other person who fell in love. She was just being human.

" _Good luck eroina"_ Lovina teased. When she wasn't being an annoying, loud-mouthed and foolish pain in the butt, she wasn't so bad. You couldn't choose your family after all. Amelia smiled to herself before hanging up the phone, but she felt pumped now. Like she could face this date with Anya.

**Dobryy vecher-Good evening**

**Gav no- shit**

**sorella idiota-Idiot sister**

**Principessa-Princess**

**Questo idiota-This idiot**

**Eroina-Herione**


End file.
